Oblivious
by thewritevoice
Summary: Modern AU I kinda based this off another story. Ever since Steve and Soda left for war Pony and Kandie can't stop fighting. Kandie just wants her brother back for her birthday and her show. Kandie wants her brother to be there for her when she fights with Pony. She doesn't realize just how oblivious she really is...
1. Chapter 1

Like I said I based this off another story AND this is my first fan fic... So don't kill me. I will never the own The Outsiders (sigh)

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I stood at the corner next to Mags waiting for her brother to pick us up. "He's not answering."

"He's probably driving," I defended him even though I hated him. We waited, another two smokes later he still wasn't there. "Let's just crash at the Curtis's is a five minute walk." I was very impatient. She shrugged and followed me down the road. She lit up again offering me a puff and I shook me head. "Have you heard a singer that smokes? It's terrible." I said as we turned on their street. Mags just puffed as an answer, she doesn't talk much.

Mags got hit all the time and keeping quiet made the punishments less often and less forceful. Mags was tall at 5'9, skinny; she had blonde hair that just past her shoulders, and blue eyes. She was very quiet and jumped at almost anything. Mags could've been a model if it didn't cost so much and if she wasn't scared of everything. I was surprised that I was so close with Mags because we were polar opposites.

I was super short at 4'9 (unlike my giant of a brother), everyone said I was skinny but I thought I was fat; I had brown hair that was ombre blonde at the bottom that ended at my waist, I had violet eyes. My eyes scared people so I didn't have many friends, plus my big brother was scary. I was like him; I was loud, blunt, and reckless.

I checked my phone and cursed, my brother was about to call. I hurried up and ran into the house with Mags in tow. I rushed into a bedroom and Mags locked the door. The second I sat down his icon popped up meaning he called. "Hello?"

"Kandie cane. I miss you." He said.

"Steve I miss you too. When you comin' home?" I asked sweetly.

"Another month hun'. Just in time for the fourth" He assured me.

"But, you'll miss my birthday and my show!" I whined.

He sighed, "I know, but we're both coming home so it's a fair trade."

"Alright." I huffed. We said our goodbyes and I said "Nighty, night, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite." When I was little Steve would say that to me before he went to bed.

Mags sat next to me and I softly cried into her side. Steve didn't know that every time he called I cried afterwards. A few minutes later I sat up and wiped my tears. She helped me fix my make-up and we left the room. The boys all sat out there except for Steve and Soda looking at me. Mags quickly left, not wanting the attention, leaving me with five guys. I silently cursed her and sat on the floor. Dally scooped me up and put me on Johnny's lat. I smiled as he blushed. Dally broke the silence, "So what did your brother have to say?"

"Usual, he's coming home with Soda in a month." I answered. "Johnny, I'm heavy let me get off your lap." I said starting to get up and a arm flew around my waist.

"You are not heavy, you're barely 90 pounds!" Johnny fought. I attempted to wriggle from his grasp, but he had a good hold on me.

"Johnny, grab her ass for me." Pony smirked. Johnny quickly threw his hands up and I lunged at him. Darry caught me before I could do anything.

"That's it you two, I've had enough!" He yelled.

"Well tell him to stop being a perv and we wouldn't have this problem!" I reasoned.

"For the next two weeks I want you within 5 feet of each other. I don't care how much you whine. I understand you barely got along when your brothers were here, but this is ridiculous! So for the next two weeks, same room. If one of you has to go to the bathroom the other will be in there turned around. I don't care how long it takes." He complained.

"But,-" I started.

"Wanna make it three?" He asked and I gruffed.

"She has rehearsals." Pony added.

"How long are your rehearsals?" Darry asked turning me slightly towards him.

I laughed. "Oh, wait your serious. Well, the shortest are about three hours the longest are about six, it depends. Plus, next week is tech week and that's a whole day thing."

"Then you get off easy." Darry concluded, pleased with himself. "If I put you down will you hurt him."

"No promises."

"Well, that comment wasn't okay. go to bed." He let me go.

I've never seen him move so fast. I walked into his bedroom to him shirtless. "You like?"

"Go to hell." I crawled into bed and he followed suit.

"That's my side."

"To bad, I got here first." I smiled taking up more room.

I woke up to Pony's arm around me, I realized where his hand was and I kicked him int the shin. "What the-"

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU PERV!" I yelled and Darry came running in. "Darry, he hand his hand on my-"

"I don't care. Thanks for waking me up." He muttered walking away.

"I'm getting in the shower. Wouldn't it be easier if we showered together?" He smirked.

"Go to hell." I grabbed clothes and followed him into the bathroom. I turned away as he climbed into the shower and changed. I felt the huge knot underneath my hair and I flipped my head over began to brush. I was still at it when he walked out.

"You can look if you want." I could hear the smile on his face. I cursed him out and continued to brush my hair. "Can we go?" I sighed and flipped my head back over. I sat on the couch and started on my hair again. "So what time is your rehearsal?"

"10 it's 9 now." I confirmed still brushing the huge knot at the base of my hair. Dally walked in and laughed at me. Johnny on the other hand asked if I needed help. "See, Johnny's a gentlemen."

'Kandie it's quarter to 10." Johnny warned. I flipped my hair back over and tied it in a bun. "Did you get it out?" I shook my head.

Pony walked me to rehearsal and was surprisingly silent. I walked in and started to talk to Toni. I saw him watching me and I waved. Soon I forgot all about him. Rehearsal can always make your day better.

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So chapter one done. PLEASE REVIEW I WANT TO NOW HOW BAD I SUCK!


	2. Chapter 2

I was standing outside the theater waiting for Pony. I was talking to Toni, well he was making fun of me. "Your'e the one who messed up!" He laughed.

"You were the one making a face!" I defended myself.

"Your'e the one how laughed _and_ got yelled at."

"Oh, shut up." I muttered and she laughed hard. "At least your first kiss wasn't a stage kiss."

She stopped laughing. "Seriously?" I nodded. He cupped my face and kissed me. This wasn't one of our stage kisses, it felt... real. Our normal kisses were usual us trying not to laugh and me kinda forcing myself on him. We heard a throat clear and I turned to see Pony standing there clearly annoyed. "I'll see you tomorrow." He walked off leaving me with Pony.

I quick walked ahead of him and started toward the house. We walked silently, thank god. When we walked into the house I walked into the bathroom. He turned away as I got in the shower. When I was done we went into our room. I took my place on the bed by the wall and plugged my phone in. I was so tired I fell asleep right away.

I woke up and rolled off the bed. I looked up and saw Pony laughing. "Your'e gonna be late." I shot up and quickly got ready and ran out the door. I didn't care if Pony was following me or not. I ran into rehearsal late, which is unlike me. I was hoping our director didn't notice but she did. We started blocking today and got lectured a lot. I wasn't in any of the scenes we were blocking so I sat in the house. Unfortunately I forgot my phone so I sat there for four and a half hours with nothing to do. I thought about Steve a lot. I hated how he was gonna miss my show, I was one of the female leads. I was kinda glad he was missing it since the character I was playing wouldn't sit well with him.

The last half hour I was finally in a scene we were blocking. I had to lay on a table so that kinda sucked. By then I had stolen Mag's phone and bet her high score in piano tiles. But, our director, Grace took it away.

Finally we were released after a hour lecture about tech week, which began tomorrow. I was the first one out and Pony was waiting for me. I began to walk with him and he spoke up up. "Who was that guy you were kissing yesterday?"

I took a breath. I knew he was gonna laugh if I told him the truth. He would laugh if I said he was giving me my first non-stage kiss. He would laugh if I told him that I never had a real boyfriend, because Steve scared away every guy. He would laugh if I told him I was also practicing our little make-out for the show. He would laugh when he found out who I was playing. He would laugh if I said anything. He already laughed at me enough. He didn't realize that when he laughed I died inside. He didn't realize how self-conscious I was, Steve only knew part of it. Last time I tried to tell him he laughed. "Uh,-"

"A-YO KANDIE CANE!" I stopped dead in my tracks. It couldn't be, could it? I whipped around and saw him. His long hair was in his swirls, his tall muscular body was in uniform, and his brown eyes looked so happy. I ran to him and I ran to him. He opened his arms and I slapped him.

"That was for leaving me." I slapped him again. "That was leaving without saying goodbye." I slapped him again, "That's for leaving me with Pony." I slapped him again. "That's because I hate you." I slapped him as hard as I could. "That's because I felt like it!" Then I jumped into his arms.

"I deserve more then that." He said into my hair. He carried me back to house where Soda was waiting. He and Pony started hugging and crying in front of everyone. I asked how they got home so early. "Well, our genral over heard us talking and let us home on the next flight. He said he knew to many brother's who made those promises and never came home."

"Hey Kandie I sat in on some of your show today." Pony smiled and my stomach dropped. "What are you a striper who makes out with people?" I felt Steve's grip tighten on me.

"I can explain! I'm playing a girl who is an exotic dancer, she and this guy kiss. Pony walked in when we tried to kiss without laughing." I explained. Steve didn't seem to buy it. "Look tomorrow is opening night so you can come see it, okay?" I held my breath. "Steve you can't kick me out of the show tomorrow is opening night."

"Fine, but we all are coming to see the show." He said and a few of the guys groaned. I hugged him real tight. I was so surprised that he let me be in the show.

I woke up at 10. I imedetly texted Mags telling her to come over. I didn't realize how late I slept but was glad because I needed all the sleep I could get. Mags came over and we did each other's makeup. I somehow managed to talk Mags into auditioning and she got a big role. I loved Mags role; it was so unlike her and she rocked it. We changed into pieces of our costumes since we couldn't bring them home; just the pieces we brought. At 12:30 we started to leave. "Where the hell are you two going dressed like that?!" Steve asked and I cursed.

"We are going mic check. Look these are part of our costumes, we wear more." I was in a tight and short black skirt and a tight shirt. Mags was was in a tube top that had two armbands so the looked like they were continuedand skin tight black leather pants. "I quick ran out the door with Mags in tow. We took the short cut so they couldn't follow us but that didn't stop Pony because he was waiting by the front door


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I don't own the outsiders or the musical just Kandie and Mags and Toni. Also anything in italics is singing.

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We stood in a line as the lights came up and the music began. " _Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, it midnight's, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife, in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, how do you measure a year in the life?_ _How About Love? How About Love? How About Love? Measure In Love Seasons of Love. Seasons of Love._

The girl who played Joanne sang: _Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Journeys To Plan Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes How Do You Measure The Life Of A Woman Or A Man_

The guy playing Collins: _In Truth That She Learned Or In Times That He Cried In Bridges He Burned Or The Way That She Died_

All: _It's Time Now - To Sing Out Though The Story Never Ends Let's Celebrate Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends Remember the Love Remember the Love Remember the Love Measure In Love_

Joanne: _Oh you got to you got to remember_ _the love, You_ _know that love is a gift from up above Share love, give love, spread love Measure, measure your life in love._

All: _Seasons Of Love seasons of love_

Joanne: _Measure your life, measure your life in love._

We all raced to places. I sat on top of a window awning with one leg handing over and I rested on the other. Toni who was playing Roger walked out and plugged his guitar into an amp. The gut playing Mark, whose name was ironically Roger pointed his camera at himself and said, "December 24. 9 p.m. Eastern standard time, from here on in I shoot without a script, see if anything comes of it, instead of my old shit. _How do you document real life_ _w_ _hen real life's getting more like fiction each day?_ _Headlines, bread-lines blow my mind a_ _nd now this deadline, eviction or pay rent!_

Toni _:_ _How do you write a song when the chords sound wrong though they once sounded right and rare when the notes are sour where is the power you once had to ignite the air_

Roger: _and we're hungry and frozen_

Toni: _some life that we've chosen_

Both: _how we gonna pay_ _how we gonna pay_ _how we gonna pay_ _last year's rent?_ A spotlight showed the guy playing Collins, Conner, he called them saying he would be right up. When he hung up three guys pushed him backstage.

Toni: _how do you start a fire when there's nothing to burn and it feels like something's stuck in your flue_

Roger: _how can you generate heat when you can't feel your feet_

Both: _and they're turning blue!_

Roger _:_ _you light up a mean blaze with posters_

Toni _:_ and screen plays

Both _:_ _how we gonna pay how we gonna pay how we gonna pay last year's rent?_

Conner leaned against the wall appearing to be beat up: _how do you stay on your feet when on every street it's 'trick or treat' and tonight its 'trick'? 'Welcome back to town' I should lie down everything's brown and uh-oh I feel sick._ Roger asked "Where is he?" _Getting dizzy._

Toni and Roger: _how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, last year's rent?!_

Roger:" _t_ _he music ignites the night with passion and fire"_

Toni:" _the narration crackles and pops with incendiary wit"_

Roger: _zoom in as they burn the past to the ground_

Both: _and feel the heat of the future's glow_

Roger and half the company: _how do you leave the past behind when it keep finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out 'til you're torn apart rent!_

Toni and (my) half of the company: _how can you connect in an age where strangers, landlords, lovers your own blood cells betrayed_

All: _what binds the fabric together when the raging, shifting winds of change keep ripping away?_

The gut playing Benny, Steven: _draw a line in the sand and then make a stand_

Toni: _use your camera to spar_

Roger: _use your guitar_

All but Steven: _when they act tough-you call their bluff. We're not gonna pay, we're not gonna pay, we're not gonna pay last year's rent, this year's rent, next year's rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, rent, we're not gonna pay rent, 'cause everything is rent!_ The audience roared. There was blackout and I walked off stage. I loved being in RENT. I waited a few songs and scenes before my character came in. I knocked on the door in the little room and Toni answered, "What'd you forget?"

Me: _Got a light?_ I asked in a sexy voice as I held out my candle. He turned to grab a match but stopped.

Toni: _I know you, your'e, you're shivering._

Me: _It's nothing_ _they turned off my heat and I'm just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle? What are you staring at?_ I walked past him walking and looking around.

Toni: _Nothing your hair in the moonlight, you look familiar. Can you make it?_ I fell into his arms on purpose. I got up.

Me: _Just haven't eaten much today_ _at least the room stopped spinning, anyway. What?_ I spun around blowing out the candle.

Toni: _Nothing your smile reminded me of -_

Me: _I always remind people of- who is she?_ I started to walk toward him.

Toni: _She died her name was April._

Me: _It's out again, sorry 'bout your friend. Would you light my candle?_

Toni: _Well?_

Me: _Yeah, ow!_

Toni: _Oh, the wax._

Me: I _t's dripping! I like it between my-_

Toni: _Fingers! I figured, oh well, goodnight._ I started to walk away but checked my pockets. I realized I was missing something and knocked on the door. _It blew out again?_

Me: _No, I think I dropped my stash._ I began to look around.

Toni: _I know I've seen you out and about when I used to go out. Your candle's out._

Me:(sigh) _I'm ill, and I had I had it when I walked in the door, it was pure! Is it on the floor?_ I got down on my hands and knees and began to look around. "The floor" Toni asked behind me. _They say that I have the best ass below 14th street is it true?_ "What?" he asked. _You're starring again._

Toni: _Oh no. I mean you do - have a nice - I mean - You look familiar_

Me: _Like your dead girlfriend?_

Toni: _Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else -_

Me: _Do you go to the cat scratch club That's where I work - I dance -_ help me look

Toni: _Yes, they used to tie you up._

Me: _It's a living._

Toni: _I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs._

Me: _We could light the candle Oh won't you light the candle_

Toni: _Why don't you forget that stuff you look like you're sixteen_

Me: _I'm nineteen!_ I got up and he followed. _But I'm old for my age, I'm just born to be bad._

Toni: _I once was born to be bad. I used to shiver like that._

Me _:I have no heat I told you._

Toni: _I used to sweat._

Me: _I got a cold_

Toni: _I used to be a junkie_

Me: _Well, now and then I like to feel good._

Toni: _Here it- um._ He shoved it in his back pocket.

Me: _What's that?_

Toni: _Candy bar wrapper._ I tried to grab but he blew out my candle and sat down.

Me: _We could light the candle. Oh, what'd ya do with my candle._ I sat on his lap facing him.

Toni: _That was my last match._

Me: _Our eyes will adjust, thank god for the moon._

Toni: _Maybe it's not the moon at all. I hear a Spike Lee's shooting down the street_.

Me: _Bah humbug, Bah humbug._ I grabbed his hand. _Cold hands._

Toni: _Your's too._

Me: _Big, like my father's. Do you want to dance?_ I pulled him up.

Toni: _With you?_

Me: _No, with my father._

Toni: _I'm Roger._ He stuck his hand out and circled around him.

Me: _They call me, they call me Mimi._ I showed him my stash and walked out as sexily as I could. I came back a few scenes later for my very own song. I was in the audience. Going from person to person

Me: _What's the time? Well it's gotta be close to midnight My body's talking to me It says, "Time for danger" It says "I wanna commit a crime" Wanna be the cause of a fight I wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt With a stranger" I've had a knack from way back At breaking the rules once I learn the games Get up - life's too quick I know someplace sick Where this chick'll dance in the flames We don't need any money I always get in for free You can get in too If you get in with me Let's go out tonight I have to go out tonight You wanna play? Let's run away We won't be back before it's New Year's Day Take me out tonight Meow- HA! When I get a wink from the doorman Do you know how lucky you'll be? That you're on line with the feline of Avenue B Let's go out tonight I have to go out tonight You wanna prowl? Be my night owl Well take my hand we're gonna howl Out tonight In the evening I've got to roam Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome Feels too damn much like home When the Spanish babies cry So let's find a bar So dark we forget who we are And all the scars of the Nevers and maybes die! Let's go out tonight I Have to go out tonight You're sweet Wanna hit the street? Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat? Just take me out tonight_ I walked up to Toni and handed him my stash. _Please take me out tonight Don't forsake me - out tonight I'll let you make me - out tonight Tonight - tonight - tonight!_ I kissed him and he pushed away wiping his lips.

Toni: _Who Do You Think You Are? Barging In On Me And My Guitar Little Girl - Hey The Door Is That Way You Better Go You Know The Fire's Out Anyway Take Your Powder - Take Your Candle Your Sweet Whisper I Just Can't Handle Well Take Your Hair In The Moonlight Your Brown Eyes - Goodbye, Goodnight_ He was about to push me off but turned around.I _Should Tell You I Should Tell You I Should Tell You I Should - No! Another Time - Another Place Out Temperature Would Climb There'd Be A Long Embrace We'd Do Another Dance It'd Be Another Play Looking For Romance Come Back Another Day Another Day_

 _Me:_ _The Heart May Freeze Or It Can Burn_ _The Pain Will Ease If I Can Learn_ _There Is No Future_ _There Is No Past_ _I Live This Moment_ _As My Last_ _There's Only Us_ _There's Only This_ _Forget Regret_ _Or Life Is Yours To Miss_ _No Other Road_ _No Other Way_ _No Day But Today_

Toni: _Excuse Me If I'm Off Track_ _But If You're So Wise_ _Then Tell Me - Why Do You Need_ _Smack?_ _Take Your Needle_ _Take Your Fancy Prayer_ _And Don't Forget_ _Get The Moonlight Out Of Your Hair_ _Long Ago You Might've Lit Up My Heart_ _But The Fire's Dead - Ain't Never Ever_ _Gonna Start_ _Another Time - Another Place_ _The Words Would Only Rhyme_ _We'd Be In Outer Space_ _It'd be Another Song_ _We'd Sing Another Way_ _You Wanna Prove Me Wrong?_ _Come Back Another Day_ _Another Day_

Me: _There's Only Yes Only Tonight We Must Let Go To Know What's Right No Other Course No Other Way No Day But Today I Can't Control_ I walked into the audience

Toni: _Control Your Temper_

Me: _My_ _destiny_

Toni: _She Doesn't See_

Me: _I Trust My_ _soul_

Toni: _Who Say's That There's A Soul_

Me: _My Only Goal Is Just - To Be_

Toni: _just let me be_

Me: _There's Only Now There's Only Here Give In To Love Or Live In Fear No Other Path No Other Way No Day But Today_

Toni: _The Fire's Out Anyway_

All: _No Day But Today_

Toni: _Take Your Powder Take Your Candle_

All: _No Day But Today_

Toni: _Take Your Brown Eyes Your Pretty Smile Your Silhouette_

All: _No Day But Today_

Toni: _Another Time, Another Place Another Rhyme, A Warm Embrace_

All: _No Day But Today_

Toni: _Another Dance, Another Way Another Chance, Another Day_

All: _No Day But Today_ I ran out house doors. I didn't come back on until the 'big' song. I sat down at the table as the guy playing Angel, Joe asked "Who died?"

Steven: Our Akita.

Toni and Roger: Evita

Steven: _You make fun - yet I'm the one Attempting to do some good Or do you really want a neighborhood Where people piss on your Stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's A fallacy in your head This is Calcutta, Bohemia is dead_

Roger: _Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes Here she lies, no one knew her worth The late great daughter of Mother Earth On these nights when we Celebrate the birth In that little town of Bethlehem We raise our glass - you bet your ass to - La vie Boheme_

All:La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme

Roger: _To days of inspiration Playing hooky, making Something out of nothing The need to express- To communicate, To going against the grain, Going insane, going mad To loving tension, no pension To more than one dimension, To starving for attention, Hating convention, hating pretension Not to mention of course, Hating dear old Mom and Dad To riding your bike, Midday past the three-piece suits To fruits - to no absolutes- To Absolute - to choice- To the Village Voice- To any passing fad To being an us for once ... instead of a them!_

All: _La vie Boheme, La vie Boheme_ Mags who was playing Maureen slapped Chloe who ways playing Joanne butt.

The guy playing Mr. Grey, Mason: Ahem!

Mags: Hey mister, she's my sister!

Waiter (Janie): _So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter And one pasta with meatless balls_

Toni: _eww.._

Conner: _It tastes the same._

Me: _If you close your eyes._

waiter: _and thirteen orders of fries is that it here?_

All: _Wine and Beer!_ Joe and I jumped up on the table.

Joe and I: _To hand-crafted beers Made in local breweries To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou_

Mags and Conner: _Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion Creation, vacation_

Roger: _Mucho masturbation._ We all shook a closed fist up and down.

Mags and Conner: _Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new_

Conner: _To sontag_

Joe: _To Sondheim_

Me, Mags, Chloe, and Joe: _To anything taboo._

Toni and Conner: _Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunnigham and Cage,_

Conner: _Lenny Bruce_

Toni: _Langston Hughes_

Mags: _To the stage_

All: _To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too._

Me and Roger: _Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow, to blow off auntie em_

All: _La vie boheme._ Mags and Chloe started to make out.

Mason: _Sisters?_

Mags and Chloe: _We're close._ Conner and Joe did to.

Conner and Joe: _Brothers!_

All: _Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman German wine, turpetine, Gertrude Stein Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa Carmina Burana To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstacy Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC To no shame - never playing the Fame Game_

Conner: _To marijuana!_

All: T _o sodomy, it's between God and me To S & M_

Steven: _Waiter waiter waiter_

All: _La vie boheme!_

Conner: In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner ... Maureen Johnson, just back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello - which she ain't never studied.

Toni: And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.

Roger: And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred. And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song. (Roger plays a solo) That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz!"

Conner: Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.

Joe: And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist - including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words;

All: **"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"** I walked up to Toni.

Me: _Excuse me - did I do something wrong? I get invited - then ignored all night long_

Toni: _I've been trying_ _I'm not lying No one's perfect. I've got baggage_

Me: _Life's too short, babe, time is flying I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine_

Toni: _I should tell you_

Me: _I got baggage too_

Toni: _I should tell you_

Both: _Baggage_

All: _Wine and Beer!_

Me: _AZT break?_

Toni: _You?_

Me: _Me. You?_

Toni: _Mimi_ We walked to the side of the stage that lead to the house doors. We sat down with our feet over the edge. _I Should Tell You I'm Disaster I Forget How To Begin It_

 _Me: Let's just make this part go faster, I have yet to be in it. I should tell you_

Toni: _I should tell you_

Me: _I should tell you_

Toni: _I should tell you_

Me: _I Should Tell I Blew The Candle Out Just To Get Back In_

Toni: _I'd Forgotten How to Smile Until Your Candle Burned My Skin_

Me: _I should tell you_

Toni: _I should tell you_

Me: _I should tell you_

Both: _I Should Tell Well, Here We Go Now We-_

Me: _Oh, no_

Toni: _I know this something is here goes_

Me: _Here goes_

Toni: _Guess So It's Starting To -Who Knows-_

Me: _Who knows_

Both: _Who Knows Where Who Goes There Who Knows Here Goes Trusting Desire - Starting To Learn Walking Through Fire Without A Burn Clinging - A Shoulder, A Leap Begins Stinging And Older, Asleep On Pins So Here We Go Now We-_

Toni: _Oh, no_

Me: _I know_

Toni: _Oh, no_

Both: _Who Knows Where - Who Goes There Here Goes - Here Goes Here Goes - Here Goes Here Goes - Here Goes._ We kissed and Roger took a picture of us. We got up and I ran and jumped up on the table.

Me: _To dance! No way to make a living, masochism, Pain, perfection, Muscle spasms, chiropractors, Short careers, eating disorders._

Roger: _To film! Adventure, tedium, no family Boring locations, Dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, Money, Hollywood, and sleaze!_

Joe: _To music! Food of Love, emotion, mathematics, Isolation, Rhythm, power, feeling, harmony, And heavy competition!_

Mags: _To anarchy! Revolution, justice Screaming for solutions, Forcing changes, Risk, and danger Making noise and making pleas!_

All: _To faggots, lezzies, dykes Cross dressers, too!_

Mags: _To me!_

Roger: _To me!_

Conner: _To me!_

All: _To you, and you, and you, you, and you! To people living with, living with, living with Not dying from disease! Let he among us without sin Be the first to condemn! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme!_

Roger: _To anyone out of the mainstream, Is anyone in the mainstream? To anyone alive with a sex drive! Tear down the wall! Aren't we all? The opposite of war isn't PEACE! It's CREATION!_

All: _Viva la vie boheme!_ We stood back in the line.

All: _In Diapers - Report Cards In Spoked Wheels - In Speeding Tickets In Contracts - Dollars In Funerals - In Births In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes- How Do You Figure- A Last Year On Earth? Figure In Love Figure In Love Figure In Love Measure In Love Seasons Of Love Seasons Of Love_ I came on stage during Mags big number and froze on stage. Toni and I had a fight and I ran away. I began to sing.

Me: _Without You The Ground Thaws The Rain Falls The Grass Grows Without You The Seeds Root The Flowers Bloom The Children Play The Stars Gleam The poets dream The Eagles Fly Without You The Earth Turns The Sun Burns But I Die Without You Without You The Breeze Warms The Girl Smiles The Cloud Moves Without You The Tides Change The Boys Run The Oceans Crash The Crowds Roar The Days Soar The Babies Cry Without You The Moon Glows The River Flows But I Die Without You_

Toni: _The world revives_

Me: _Colors renew_

Both: _But I Know Blue Only Blue Lonely Blue Within Me, Blue Both Without You_

Me: _Without You The Hand Gropes The Ear Hears The Pulse Beats_

Toni: _Without You The Eyes Gaze The Legs Walk The Lungs Breathe The mind churns_

Me: _The mind churns_

Toni: _The heart yearns_

Me: _The heart yearns_

Both: _The Tears Dry Without You Life Goes On But I'm Gone Cause I Die_

Toni: _Without you_

Me: _Without you_

Toni: _Without you_

Both: _Without you._ I ran away.

* * *

(A.N/ Okay I'm not going to spoil the ending, BUT RENT is on Netflix. You should check it out. Please review because this chapter was a pain int the ass! I pulled 3 allnighters. For the next chapter I'm skipping to after the show just so you know. ) REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Okay thanks to anyone who reviewed and shit. I apologize now for my attitude because I can't sleep. Plus Kandie is going to be in a bitchy mood... So it evens out. So as I said I do not fucking own the outsiders just the bitches I made. Wow... I need sleep. You know what fuck sleep.

* * *

'I have to find people!' I thought as rant o Mags. I steadied her since she was shaking so bad. She just smiled, took my arm and lead me outside where everyone was. Most people were running to their families, but me and Mags just stayed off to the side. I would wait as long as possible to see my brother and Mag's family didn't come. Toni talked to us for a second but left.

I saw Johnny and jumped into his arms. He twirled me around and Dally did the same to Mags. Mags was Johnny in girl form and Dally was just as protective over her. She would've gone out with Dally but she she wasn't in to dating. Johnny kept telling me how good I did and I thanked him.

"You did so good."I was pulled from his arms by Darry. I knew it was him because his hands were calloused and his hands fit perfectly around me.

"I wanna turn!" Soda whined and I was thrown to Soda. "I knew you could do it!" Dally grumbled something. Pony just stared at me. Two-Bitt bave me a thumbs up.

I was set down and I locked eyes with Steve. It was now or never. He pulled me close and gave me a nuggie. "Don't pull anymore shit like that." I guess that was a good job. I talked to them some more than Chloe yelled at me.

"Gotta go, see you tomorrow." I said turning around

"Where do you think your'e going?" Steve asked; his arms were crossed and he tapped his foot.

"To Chloe's." I said like it was really obvious; which it was.

"I'm your brother so I say what or where you can and cant go."

'I'm living under Darry's roof, plus you've been gone for over a year." I regretted what I said, I still meant it. I turned around and walked away with Mags in tow. When we got into the girls dressing I whipped off my shirt and dropped to the floor.

"You hot?" Janie asked and I nodded. The floor was cold and felt good since I was so sweaty.

"Don't worry pants and bras don't exist at my house." Chloe said and we sighed. Someone tried to walk in and Chloe yelled, "We're changing, oh, wait, your gay."

'Is she okay?" Roger asked pointing to me. I nodded and Mags handed me my water bottle. "Have any of you took my gunliner and who took my hanger."

"Out." We all yelled

* * *

"Okay Kandie if you could bang anyone in your brother's gang who would it be?" Janie asked and I almost spit out my drink. I threw my pillow at her.

"None of the above." I said.

"I'd go for Pony." Janie said.

'He's small." I mumbled and they looked at me. "What? I walked in on him multiple times. I know who Mags would go after." I smiled and she hit me. I got up to refill my drink. I had on a long shirt and it flew up showing everyone my underwaer.

'Thanks for the show!" Chloe called and I danced. "Come on we should go to bed, we got be up around 6."

"Kandie, sleep?" Mags asked. She knew I had a weird sleep cycle. Instead of trying to fix it she let me run with it. I guess because I was less bitchy.

"Nah, I've slept really good three nights in a row." I answered and she nodded handing me her ear buds. "Let's play around of truth or dare." Everyone agreed. "Chloe truth or dare?" She chose truth. "If you had to make-out with in public, would you do it?"

"I guess. Okay Janie truth or dare?" She chose dare. "Okay I dare you to prank call someone." She called someone, but they didn't answer since it was 2 a.m.

"Mags truth or dare." She chose truth. "If you had to date anyone who would it be?"

"Johnny, I relate to him more." She answered quietly blushing. I was surprised I thought she would say Dallas. "Kandie truth or dare?" I chose dare. "Call Steve and tell him your pregnant."

"You little girl have a twisted, twisted mind." I said as I called him. He answered gruffly. "Steve I'm pregnant."

"No your not, Mags just dared you right after she admitted she would date Johnny." He said.

"You-" I started.

"We've been watching you all night. Say hi Pony," I heard a hi. "I couldn't trust you." I got up and walked to the window, flipped him off, and closed the curtains. He called me back but I threw my phone up in the air. "They heard."

'Every word." Mags said and we started singing 'Love Heals'. This is why we were friends.

* * *

Our show closed a week after. Mags and I were going through RENT withdrawal. We were laying like the 'Fault in Our Stars' on the floor listening to Les Mis; it wasn't helping.

"They've been like this all day." Pony said. Our music was shut off and I jumped up.

"How dare you silence Hugh Jackman!" I yelled before returning to my place.

"You need to get out more and get a life." Steve said. "How about we got to the lake for the weekend?" There were okays from the guys. "Kandie's coming, Mags?"

"No, my folks would 'worry'." We both burst out laughing and we stood up.

"Alright, I need new bathing suits. I don't wanna flash everyone." I left and Mags followed. We went to a family owned store and we both got suits. I was throwing one in the no pile.

"He's gonna see." She said.

"He's gonna find out somehow. Ya' sure you don't wanna cone?" She shook her head. We paid and left. She got to her house and went it as I continued to the Curtis's. They were packing the truck.

"Oh, Kandie cane." Steve sauntered over with a creepy smile. He either a) broke something b) wanted something c)broke someone d) wanted something.

"Yes Stevie Wonder? No, I am not packed, yes I got suits, yes they cover, yes I have a book, and no Mags isn't coming." I answered quickly as he handed me a bag.

"I packed you, and there's a little problem." I sifted my weight and put my hands on my hips. "See we're a seat short and we knew you wouldn't mind sitting on someone's lap. We took a vote and Pony won." He looked at the ground. "And you're sharing a tent with him."

"All aboard the nope train to Nopeville, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, nopa, NOPE NOPE!" I said. I shook my head, but he nodded. I ran into the house and made it into the kitchen before he squeezed me. I yelped in pain and he dropped me. I had realized how comfy the floor was so I stayed there.

'Kand, why are you on the floor?" Dally asked.

"Painfully painful pains." I mummered and he laughed. I heard a yell and I was scooped up and thrown like a sack of potatoes on Dally's back. 'I'm still in pain.' I said as he threw me on Pony's lap.

"Hey there sexy." Does this guy have a death wish? I rolled my eyes and put my earbuds in. I leaned back on Pony's shoulder. 16 songs later I heard my name. "What?" I asked taking out my earbuds.

"We're playing Fuck, Marry, or Kill." Soda said. I realized that I was in Darry's truck with Soda and Pony. "I gave Darry you, Mags, or that girl who played Joanne."

"Okay, that is very illegal." Darry answered. Soda, Pony and I kept bugging him. "Okay, okay, I'd kill Kandie 'cause she's being annoying and marry Mags so she didn't have to live in that hell hole."

"Chloe would love your choice." I said teasing him. "Soda?"

"I'd marry you, fuck Mags, kill Chloe, She broke my lover's heart." He joked. "ME AND Steve would be brothers. Pony?"

"Marry Chloe, put Mags out her misery, and fuck you, literally and figuratively." Pony smirked but I didn't feel like smacking him.

"I'd fuck Chloe, Marry Mags, and kill myself."

"That was... dark." Soda said. Soda said putting his hand on my arm. "What are you listening to?" He picked up my phone to see what I was listening to.

"DO NOT MESS MY LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA OR MY HAMILTON SOUNDTRACK OR I WILL KNOCK YOU INTO 1776 AND HAVE AARON BURR SIR SHOOT YOU IN THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENED!" I yelled.

"Nice demon." Pony patted my head. "Wow you do have a nice pair of lungs." I rolled my eyes and put my earbuds back in. The entire Hamilton soundtrack and the Wicked soundtrack we still weren't there.

'Darry it's been two soundtracks, are we there yet?" I asked. "They weren't short ones either; it was Wicked and Hamilton."

"What is it with you and Hamilton?" Darry asked.

" _I will never be satisfied._ Holy shit I need help." I whispered the last part and Pony laughed so hard he had teared eyes. "It's not funny!" We got out of the car. Steve got out of his car and he looked green.

"Steve you don't look so good, you look green." Soda said.

"Ooh, he's phosphorescent!" I squealed. "Damn, I _really_ need help." This time Darry and Pony laughed. Since we were there we started to unload. I wasn't much help since I 'm not that strong, so I was organizer. Once we were all set up we went to bed.

Pony and I just opened or sleeping bags up and curled up wherever we wanted. We both chose corners and I cuddled my pillow. I woke up from a bad dream; I saw a face above me. I did the only sensible thing and tackled them. I pinned him down and our noses touched. "Damnit Ponyboy! I almost kicked you in the jewels," he swirled.

I didn't realize how cute Ponyboy was. His hair a strawberry blonde since the dye was fading, his eyes were a cute greenish gray, muscles, a six pack, long skinny legs, and a chiseled face. "Your so nice. Come on it's two in the afternoon."

'Oh shit, it's still early." I loosened my grip and Pony flipped me over. "Get off, I need to change."

"Same room and shit, remember. Soda gave me something for you to wear." He handed me the one bikini I packed. He got off and turned around in his corner. Once I was done I threw my bra at him he turned and grinned. "Steve's gonna kill you."

"Ponyboy Curtis, do you have a boner?" I asked. He ran out of the tent with me not far behind him. We both ran into the lake. I stayed in there until Soda carried me out and plopped me on my ass in front of my brother.

"Kandie what the hell is that?" He yelled. _B_ _usted._


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh, you mean my bikini?" I put my hands over my stomach and he pushed them away.

"That." He pointed to my belly button ring. "Darry?"

"I thought she told you." He said backing away. His face said _I'm sorry._

"So, you know how me and Cleo had that huge fight, well, I slept over her house, she spiked my drink. I woke up with my belly button pierced and a hickey from her brother. You knew about the hickey and the fight just not my piercing, I kept it 'cause I always wanted one." I looked at my hands. "Hey why don't we play never have I ever?"

"Isn't that the game girls play at sleepovers?" Two-Bit asked. I nodded and he ran next to me. He dropped on his knees, "teach me your ways."

"Okay so everyone starts with five fingers and some will say never have I ever blank, if you have done it you put a finger last one with fingers up wins. You guys wanna play?" I asked and the guys nodded. We all sat around the fire. "I'll go first, 'never have I ever' had a cigarette." Everyone put a finger down. Pony went next.

"'Never have I ever' had a beer." He said and I was the only one who didn't put a finger down. Johnny went next.

"'Never have I ever' been to a Buck's party." Everyone but Pony and I put a finger down. Dally was up.

"'Never have I ever' kissed a guy." I stared him down but didn't put a finger down. He looked at me funny.

"'Never have I ever' hit a whistle note." He knew I had never hit a whistle note. Soda went next. That was the only singing term he knew.

"'Never have I ever' danced on a stripper pole." I put a finger down (it was apart of the show) and everyone cheered.

"'Never have I ever' lost a fight." Darry smiled as me, Two-Bit, Steve, and Soda put a finger down.

"'Never have I ever' gotten a boner in the middle of class." Steve and Soda were out.

"I obviously don't have that problem. 'Never have I ever' picked up a girl." It was me, Pony and Johnny left.

"'Never have I ever' gotten a period." He was cruel.

"'Never have I ever' lied to a sibling." He was cruel.

"'Never have I ever' seen RENT live." They both put a finger down.

"'Never have I ever' been to a concert.' Nobody put a finger down.

"'Never have I ever' left Tulsa." Pony was out.

"Never have I ever' owned a switch." I won.

"Now wait a minute, you have kissed a guy, the Toni dude." Dally said pointing at me.

"Toni's trans. Toni's a girl, smartie." I smirked. "I win." I smiled did a little dance.

"Wait, so you've never kissed a guy?" Two-Bit asked and I shook my head. "I dare you to kiss Pony." I stopped in my tracks and turned to him.

"Kandie Randle don't you dare!" Steve yelled. I snapped. I turned around and kissed Pony, hard. I was sick and tired of Steve telling me what to do. I was basically making-out with him as Steve yelled at me. I flipped him off. When I was done and stormed into the tent. I cuddled up in the giant pile of 'blah' Pony and I had made. I was so mad at Steve. Pony came in a few minutes later and stared at me.

"What the hell was that?" He asked me. I looked at him; he was trying, but failing, to be pissed. I gave him a confused look. "Why the fuck did you kiss me?"

"To piss you off." I said smugly and he looked at me. I walked out of the tent and he followed

"You did that just to piss off Steve? You kissed just because? You just kissed me for no reason. Jesus fucking Christ Kandie, I wanted my first kiss to special and mean something! You didn't even feeling anything did you."

"Yeah, anger! I was so pissed at Steve for bossing me around all my whole life! I wanted to do something that Steve told me not to do and piss people off!"

"Well you did a pretty fucking good job!"

"Good! Fuck you!" I yelled at him.

"Hey watch your mouth little girl!" Steve yelled at me.

"Fuck you too." I screamed at him. "Fuck you," I pointed at Two-Bit. "Fuck you," I pointed to Soda. "Fuck you," I pointed to Dally. "Fuck everyone here but Darry and Johnny."

"Why do you hate me? What the hell is wrong with you?" Pony yelled.

"You! Him! Everyone! Fuck it all! I'm fucking done!" I yelled and slapped him.

"Kandie don't hit people." Steve said walking toward me.

"Why the fuck are you standing up for him?! You fucking hate him!" I backed away.

"Kandie what's wrong?" He asked and my emotions caught up.

"You." My voice cracked on the verge of tears. "You like him more than me. You always side with him before me, and I'm your sister! Every fight you side with Soda and Pony and I get in trouble. I understand you took 11 beatings for me, god forbid I forget, I took 172! You chose anyone over me, even Pony, and you hate him! You always chose him over me! Like when I was ten and you promised to take me to the daddy daughter dance, I waited all night, thinking the worst, you took Pony to the movies and fell asleep to his house! All my friends laughed at me when I didn't show. I started middle school with no friends. Between the beatings at school and home, I coulda been a smurf! How many times did I lie to dad for you and I got beat? How many times did I clean you up? Did i ever get a thank you? No! Who was the one who cleaned me up? Johnny! Who let me cry on his shoulder? Darry! Who toke my cutting knife? Johnny! Who took the gun from my head? Darry! Who are my big brothers? Johnny and Darry! You are a coward Steve! You left me! You left me when I needed you. Sure you fought in the military but you're still a coward. How? You left without saying goodbye! I woke up to find a note, 'Kandie, left with Soda for army boot-camp, don't do anything stupid, Steve.' You didn't say goodbye or I love you. Every 11:11, fountain, prayer, flower, wishing star, and candle I wished you would say 'I love you'. You know what? Today's my birthday! Darry, got me an Itunes gift card; Johnny, got me a new belly button ring. You didn't even remember, nobody did! 'Cause nobody cares but those two. They cared when I was raped by dad! I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen! Nobody listens, well I guess you are now. So take your pity and get the fuck out!" I yelled and turned around.

"Gimme it." Johnny said. I spun around and his hand was out.

"I don't have it." I said.

"Bullshit." He moved his fingers back and forth. I handed him the knife. "And the blade." I obeyed. "And the dope." I handed him my stash. I turned around and ran. I ran and ran until there was no trace of our campsite. I scream- cried so bad I wore myself out. I fell asleep mid cry.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up in someone's arms. I snuggled closer to them and tried to fall back asleep. I peeked and saw Johnny, "Johnny?" I asked my throat was hoarse and burned.

"Ssh, you're okay." He sat down and cradled me. I began to cry, but I had no tears left. He just held me as I sobbed.

The night replayed in my head over and over again. I wish I had said more, that wasn't even the tip of my iceberg. I wish I could tell Steve how I felt, but he would kill me. If he found out what really happened that night, he would kill me. He had no right to know. He had no right to just expect everything to be normal when he came back; it was never normal. I wanted to die. I wish I wasn't born. You know ho there's those movies where people get to see what it would be like if they weren't born? Well I know. Mama wouldn't have left, Daddy wouldn't drink, Steve wouldn't be so cold, June 14th would never have happened. I wish I didn't exist. It would be cheaper and easier. I wish a lot of things.

"Johnny I wanna go home." I said. He got up and started walking. I don't know how long we walked but we were eventually at our campsite. "Darry?" I asked. I opened my arms like a small child wanting to picked up; I was. "I wanna go home." He put me in the truck and left to help pack up. I think it was sunrise or overcast, maybe both. I just slept.

* * *

I woke up in a bed, alone. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Thankfully I had been changed into a long shirt, then I remembered I was in a bathing suit. I groaned and somehow got out of bed. I walked into the kitchen to find Pony. "Hey you better?"

"Pony!" Soda exclaimed from behind making me jump. Pony chuckled. "Stop laughing at her! Treat her normal."

"I always do." He countered making me wrinkle my nose. I wouldn't want to find out what his non-normal treatment was. I sat down at the table and began drinking Pony's gallon of water. "Hey, I need that!" I flipped him off and kept chugging drinking the entire thing. "I needed that for track tryouts." I shrugged and filled it up in the sink. I held it out to and he wrinkled his nose. I rolled my eyes and grabbed myself a huge piece of cake. I sat on the floor with a bottle of Pepsi and a huge piece of cake in my lap as I put on the T.V.

Dally walked in, "she's getting to be like Two-Bit." I ignored him and he huffed.

I texted Mags asking if she wanted to come over, the second I sent she walked in. "This is the kind of support I need in life. Love you."

"Hate you." She tried to get a piece of my cake.

"You're the bane of my existence." I said pushing my food away. "I love you, but this is mine."

"I hope you step on a lego." She said and there were a few 'ohs' from the guys.

"I hope you cut yourself on a razor scooter."

"I hope they cancel Oprah."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" I yelled and we both cracked up. "This is why we're friends." She put her arm around and stole a piece of cake when she thought I wasn't looking.

"What was that?" Dally asked and I ignored him.

"Who are we talking and not talking too?" Mags asked.

"I'ma talking Darry and Johnny, I don'ts care whats you do." I said taking a sip of Pepsi. "I texted you the story." She checked her phone and her eyes widened. She squeezed my shoulder. We both got up and went into the room Pony and I were sharing, locking the door. We sat there, on the floor leaning on the bed, pouring our hearts out. We talked about everything and complained about everything. I needed Mags. Mags needed me. Mags kept me alive and I kept her alive. Mags was my rock.

Darry kicked us out of the room and made us sit at the kitchen table so he could 'watch us'. I hated being babied, but once a suicide risk, always a suicide risk. We were sitting there laughing when Darry came in mighty annoyed. He held a bag of pills. "What the hell are these?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Shit" I cursed as Darry held them in front of me. The entire gang stared at me wide eyed.

Two seconds later Steve walked in. "Kandie, we need to tal- what the hell are those?" He boomed. Mags put her hand over mine for comfort.

"Uh, diet pills?" I answered and Darry shook his head. "Okay I'll cave, so remember how when my father, you know, raped me, he drugged me. I got addicted."

"Kandie, he barely gave you any." Darry said.

"Yeah, the first time, he gave me one more each time." I realized I was full on crying now.

"How many?" He asked and I looked at my hands. "How many god dammit?!" He slammed a fist on the table and I jumped.

"21. I haven't used 'em in weeks." Darry ran his hands over his face.

"21?"

"Yeah, you don't have to remind me, I'm not proud. Okay? I needed them."

"Don't give me that bullshit." Dally piped up. "You could of stopped at any time!"

"No I couldn't!" I yelled. "I couldn't. You try getting pills everyday, sometimes twice a day and then stopping? It got to the point where I would take them and wait for him so I wouldn't have to hide as many bruises. Once I found out I was moving here I tried to stop. I tried, I tried so hard. I made Mags hide them where I wouldn't find them. Okay, I needed Mags. I had a problem, but now it's gone."

I got up and ran out the door. I ran and ran, until I couldn't anymore. I stopped and bent over to catch my breath. I sat down and curled, up wiping my tears. I was still crying. I heard steps and saw someone standing in front of me. I wiped my tears away, wishing I hadn't. Maybe then this wouldn't be real, he wouldn't be here. "Well, well, well, what do we have here? How 'bout some daddy daughter time?"


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up in my bed feeling hollow. Hollow. That is the only feeling I could feel. Feel. There was someone standing over me, Johnny. Johnny. "She's coming to!" It echoed through my brain over and over again. The hollowness left me for pain. Pain. "Kandie." Kandie. Kandie. My name is Kandie right? Right. Pain. I felt this kind of pain before. Before. I got bruises on my wrists, cuts on my arms, cut on my stomach, bruises too, cuts on my thighs, bruises on my ankles, a cut on my check, scraps galore, and a concussion. Concussion. I was raped. Raped. I knew all of this because I have felt it before. Before.

"Johnny. Johnny." I whispered.

"Ssh, you're okay." Okay? Okay. He moved the hair out of my eyes.

"Where the FUCKING HELL is she?" Steve barreled in and knelled next to me pushing Johnny out of the way. "Kandie, are you okay?"

"What the hell kinda question is that?" Dally snapped from somewhere I couldn't see. See.

"Dally. Dally." I said.

"Yeah he's here. Who did this?"

"Who do you think. Think. Dad. Dad." He got up and left. My head stopped echoing my thoughts and I fell back asleep.

* * *

"Whoopdie-fucking-do." I yelled and stomped out of my room. "I can stay by myself you know."

"I know," Darry said calmly. "But, it's only been two weeks since your." He paused.

"Rape, say it with me now, rape, raaaaaaaaaape." I said moving my arms in a circular motion.

"You're not funny."

"You're not superman."

"Kandie! You ARE staying here with Pony, no if, ands, or buts." There were a few snickers with 'buts'. "Real mature, guys."

'Hey you weren't there when they found my pads and tampons and decorated a sleeping, and drunken, Two-Bitt. I mean they had the tampons in his nose and a box of pads all over him." I said and the gang burst out laughing. "It's not fucking funny."

"Alright we'll be back later." And the guys left leaving me and Pony.

"You know we have the whole house to ourselves." He smiled.

"Go fuck yourself." I said getting up.

"I'd prefer you." He shrugged.

"Why do you do that?" I snapped. "Why do you treat me like that?"

"I treat you like a normal girl, like I'm supposed too!" He yelled. "I treat you like every guy who is trying to pick up a girl! Darry says treat you like a normal girl, so I do! I treat you like a guy who likes a girl does!"

"You treat me like I'm a whore!" I spat back.

"No I don't grab your ass! I don't know how to pick up a girl!" He threw his arms up in the air.

"Most guys say, 'hey wanna go see a movie' not 'we got the whole house to ourselves'!" I pointed out.

"Fine do you wanna see a movie?" He asked sincerely. My head was spinning, Ponyboy liked me. He gave me big puppy-dog eyes that would of put Johnny to shame.

"We'll watch one here, you try anything and I will kill you." I sneered and he sighed in relief. I stormed off into the kitchen. I started to make popcorn while Pony put on a movie.

I started to think, Ponyboy liked me! All this time he's been trying to pick me up. Did I like Pony? He was cute so was every guy in the gang. He fucking liked me. The popcorn was done and I sat up close to him.

"I thought you didn't want anything to happen." He smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't wanna reach for the popcorn asshole." I said as 'Back to the Future' played. We watched the movie in silence, except for when I would yell at the characters. He found it funny.

After the movie we began to talk about everything. It was nice not being at each other's throats. After we ran out of things to discuss he played another movie. I have no idea what it was but it was fucking terrifying. I kept jumping and snuggling against him. He eventually put his arm around me to comfort me. I was staring at him as he peeked at me.

"Wha-" He started and I kissed him. I kissed him with every fiber in my body and he did to. I shifted so now I was on his lap. He nipped my lip, begging for entrance and after a few moments I complied. I rubbed his arms as his went around my back occasionally rubbing my leg . He got to his feet and walked me into the bedroom. He laid me down on the bed not breaking the kiss.

'Ow." My head was not expecting that. I mumbled and he stopped to look at me.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked with worry. I shook my head and flipped him over.

"Sometimes I gotta take charge." I said and kissed him. We made out for a while before I pulled his shirt over him. His arms rubbed up and down my back pulling at my shirt. I let it slip over my head and he stared for a second. He began to kiss my neck as I undid his jeans. When I finished the task at hand I moved his hand to my breast and pulled down my pants along with my underwear. I moaned and I could feel him smirk. He struggled with my bra but was able to get it off. We kissed a lot more and then the good part came. He struggled at first but got the hang of it. I had never really moaned but I felt amazing. We made out more and I started to put my clothes back on.

"What are you doing?" He asked yawning.

"Putting my clothes back on in case they come home early." I answered and he followed. We snuggled up as he turned off the lights. After a few minutes I couldn't take it. "Pone, could you turn on the lights that movie seriously freaked me out." Pony was fast asleep. I sat there in his arms until he got up.


	9. Chapter 9

Pony woke up and smiled looking at me. "I couldn't of dreamed about last night because it was never in my wildest dreams." I playfully shoved him. "Can I wake up like this every morning?" I smiled and quick kissed him. "Lets go."

We quickly went out into the kitchen to see the guys. "Mornin', so how last night?" Soda asked.

"Different." I answered sitting on Steve's lap.

"Well, it musta been, everything is exactly the same way we left it." I almost laughed, Pony will never be the same.

"Yeah, we watched Back to the Future, talked, and went to bed." He gave me a look.

"Well, we started to watch some scary movie." I piped up and he shot me a look. "He put on whatever was in the case for, "I picked up the case, " Wizard of Oz. AW, but It was definitely not that, I don't remember people having things crawl out of them." Steve's eyes widened and Soda's face paled.

"I know what you guys watched," He was looking down. "Uh, right before mom and dad died Steve and I rented a horror movie and we hid it in a random movie case from Mom. We forgot what case." He admitted.

"What movie?" Darry asked annoyed and Soda mumbled something. "What movie goddamn it?!"

"The Infection." Soda spoke up and Darry slammed a fist down.

"You 'lost' your rented copy of the scariest movie ever made and didn't tell anyone?" He was mighty annoyed.

"Well everything happened and I thought Pony saw me hiding it."He said.

Now I was mad; it clicked. I turned to Pony. He looked confused but when he saw my face has was scared shitless. "Kandie-" He started but I cut him off.

"You fucking son of a bitch! You did that to pick me up! God I was fucking stupid to believe any-fucking-thing you said! I gave you one fucking chance and you used it pretty damn good! Fuck you!" I yelled tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Kandie, listen-" He started and I cut him off.

"Rot in fucking hell!" I yelled. I turned and ran into my room. I locked the door and threw myself in the bed. I was so stupid, I actually believed him. I gave him a chance and he took it; crushing any others. I wasn't mad about the movie I was mad he didn't tell me. I was mad for letting him in. This was a reason I shouldn't be alive-

A fast knock that paused then repeated itself jarred me from my thoughts. I opened the door and pulled Mags in. I quick locked it. She threw my arms around her and let me cry. "The boys call you?"

"No, I knew you needed me." Mags is a friend who helps you when your'e down, and if she can't, she lays beside you and listens. Mags listened, she never said anything as I ranted to her. I don't remember when we laid down on the bed, but we were 'the Fault in our Stars' style. I don't remember if or when I stopped ranting, but we strayed off topic. I don't remember when I stopped crying, but I was laughing. I don't remember when I got tired, but I fell asleep.

I woke up later to Mags on her phone. "How long you been up?"

"I didn't fall asleep." She said scrolling on her phone.

"How come you didn't wake me up?" I turned toward her.

"You wore yourself out." She said. Her phone fell on her face and I laughed.

'I didn't know she remembered to laugh." I turned and saw Darry leaning against the doorway. "I'm here to negotiate a deal. You eat dinner with all of us and you can over who's ever house tonight."

"Throw in Mags and you gotta Deal," I needed a girl's night. I brushed my hair and went to the dinner table. Mags sat on my right and Steve on my left. It was really quiet, it was never quiet. After awhile I caved. "Steve, how was work?"

"Okay, these girls came in looking for-" He was cut off.

"YOU!" Chloe pointed at me.

"Me. Mimi." I joked and Janie walked up. They walked over to me and picked up my chair. They started to carry me out. "Apparently I'm needed elsewhere." I heard Mags say she was gonna grab my plate. They put me in my room and after Mags came in locked the door. "A simple 'we need to talk' would've worked!"

"Oh, save it for someone who'll listen." Chloe sneered.

I pointed to her and looked over at Janie, "what crawled up her ass?" She shrugged. "What about?"

"He's huntin' to replace you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay guys this chapter is really heavy and dark, it talks about serious content (no spoilers) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

* * *

I had to do this. I didn't want to; believe me I didn't want to. There were 5 things I was scared of

Not being able to preform.

Losing the gang

Losing Mags

Repeating June 14

Going back _there_

Still, I had to do this, to protect someone. I wasn't ready, I would never be ready.

I walked in the familiar place, yet it seemed so distant. The scent of alcohol and aftershave burned my nose. He was sitting in his chair with a beer watching T.V. "Well, well, well, look who's here." He smirked; I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

I crossed my arms. "I'm here to make a deal." That that did the trick.

"Oh," he frowned, "I thought you liked our quality time together. I may obey if I hear what I need to hear.

I scoffed. "You have to promise never to touch anyone the way you touch me." I started, he moved his arms to show me to move on. "Because," I took a breath, "because, I can't imagine you loving someone else the way you love me. I can't live without being your love. I can't live without you because you can't live without me." I refused to show emotion. "If you prove you love me one more time, I will go down as yours."

"Tomorrow night, midnight. You know the deal." He smirked. I left. I began to walk and sat on a curb.

I was scared. I scared myself. Never in my sixteen years did I imagine me standing up to me father; then again I didn't think I would have to. I scared myself shitless. I had meant everything I had said. I couldn't imagine my father doing what he did to me to some innocent kid. I couldn't imagine him stopping. I couldn't live without him because he couldn't live without me. He used me as his toy as his playmate. He was going to tire of me and move on, I had to stop before he did. If I knew my father, and I did, he would never brake a promise.

* * *

"Morning!" Soda singsonged as he entered the kitchen. I groaned and banged my head on the table. "Well, someone had a nice night."

"Death." I muttered not moving. This wasn't how I planned on spending today like this, but I felt like shit. It was bad enough I woke up puking. My back was killing me and I swelling.

"You okay there short stuff?" Dally asked pretending to care. I hated when people called me short, it's not my fault I'm a preemie.

" _I am hurt._ _A plague o' both your houses!"_ I quoted Romeo and Juliet.

"Cut the shit Century, are you okay?" Two-Bit asked and I flipped him off. "Well, that answers that. What's wrong?"

"Worse?" Johnny asked and I nodded. He rubbed my back trying to comfort me.

"I'm goin' go to my room." I mumbled doing what I had said.

* * *

It had taken me all day, but I was done. 10 letters, 10 secrets. I wanted to rip them up and curl up into a ball to die. I wanted to forget my past, but I couldn't.

I set them neatly on my desk. I sighed as a tear rolled down my check. _G_ _oodbye love, hello disease._ I crawled out the widow to my doom.

I walked two blocks until he picked my up. I got in the car, my heart beating fast. He drove with his hand on my thigh slowly inching back my skirt. He tried to comfort me, telling me we would finally be together. I didn't listen I just thought of how I was saving some poor little girl from my fate.

We arrived at my childhood home much to quickly. He did what he always did, took me to the bedroom and went to work. He didn't drug me, because he wanted me to feel it. I zoned out the entire time.

Chloe; her dark curly hair and gray eyes. Would she cry? We had barely known each other but we were the close. Would she steal her Batman beanie back? Would she miss me? I could imagine my green dress she always tried to steal fitting over her light skinned body.

Janie; her bleached hair and brown eyes. I had known her since the fifth grade. I hoped she would remember when we blamed Toni for stealing her pencils when we did it. I knew she would. Would she miss me?

Two-Bit; his rusty hair and gray eyes. We met when Steve brought him over, I thought it was Steve and maybe Soda so I came into the kitchen in my Cookie Monster pj's singing the '20th century fox' theme. I hope he would still refer to me as Century. Would he still joke about me like I wasn't there?

Soda; his wheat colored hair and brown eyes. Would he tell everyone I was his long lost sister? I met Soda when Steve brought him over, I walked in in my Hersey kiss pj's belting the 'Duck Tales' theme. I loved Soda and he loved me. Would he still love me?

Dally; his blonde hair and blue eyes. Would he still call me short stuff? Dally always complained about me. I had met Dally when Soda dragged him in as I was making breakfast in my penguin pj's belting 'Hard Knock Life' from Annie. Would Dally find the stash of Kools I had hidden from poker winnings?

Johnny; his black hair and almost black eyes. He finally have one less thing to stress out about. He could take my room and get out of his house. Would he take back his old jean jacket that was too small for him but to big for me? He could get money for that. Johnny and I met when Dally dragged him over and I was in my grinch pj's belting 'This is Halloween' from Nightmare before Christmas in April.

Pony; his now strawberry blonde hair and greenish gray eyes. Would he really miss me? Did he really love me? Now he could find a girl worthy of him. Would he still care? I had met him when Soda brought him over while I was singing the 'Gilligan's Island theme.

Darry; his brown hair and green-ice eyes. Would he carry me away with two fingers? Would he be happy that a burden was lifted off his shoulders? He could get money for the phone he got me. I met him when Steve dragged me over there and he was singing 'Walk the Line' by Johnny Cash.

Steve; his brown hair and eyes. He would finally get his wish, _I wish you would die!_ I had always known Steve hated me, even though hope was still there. Now it was gone.

Mags, Mags. Oh, god. I couldn't think about her for her.

"Ready?" He asked snapping me from my thoughts. He put my head next to his and began the count down.

"10" I told Chloe that Janie liked her.

"9" I told Janie I never knew her birthday.

"8" I told Two-Bit I secretly despised Mickey.

"7" I told Soda I was the one who corrected his homework.

"6" I told Dally that I won my first fight because of him.

"5" I told Johnny that Mags loved him.

"4" I told Pony I never knew I always loved him.

"3" I told Darry he was reason I never pulled the trigger.

"2" I told Steve I loved him.

"1" I told Mags the truth.

I heard the sound, but I was pulled away. I was never hit.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL KANDIE?!" Steve screamed.

"I did it for you." I whispered as he held me close. He cradled me as if I was a little baby.


	11. Chapter 11

**Alright guys anything in italics is a memory.**

* * *

 _I leaned against the sand wall we had made, correction, I made. It was me, Pony, Johnny, and Steve on one team and the rest of the gang were on another. I was lookout while my 'teammates' were getting 'amo'. The team came back and I was thrown to the ground. "Kandie what are you doing?! Go get us some drinks!" I got up and started walking to the cooler. Steve kept complaining that if I had never came Soda would be on his team and he wouldn't have to watch two dumb babies._

 _I started to grab some waters. "Stupid Steve making me get the stupid waters! Well I bet he'd be happy to know I NEVER WANTED TO GO TO THE GOD DAMN BEACH!" I yelled but I was to far away for him to hear me. I felt someone tackle me and completely wrap me in a towel (yes, I was that tiny). I was basically sitting in a sack that was slung over someones shoulder. "Put me down! I swear to god if you don't put me down I will roadhouse kick your ass!" I kept screaming things like that._

 _I was eventually thrown on the ground. I was surrounded by Dally, Two-Bit, and Darry. "What do you want? Why did you kidnap me?" I asked._

 _Soda came running up with ice-cream. "Guys your'e gonna scare her!" He scolded. "We want to make a deal with you, you tell us about your team and you join us."_

 _"What do you think I am, a dumb 5 year old? I'm six! I may be a idiot but I'm not stupid!"_

 _"Think about it."_

 _"Your'e older, stronger, and smarterer you can think of more ways to torture." I pointed out._

 _"We'll give you the ice cream."_

 _"Deal." I took it and told them our battle tactics. "So basically (slurp) they plan on swimmin' behind you and (slurp) attacking from behind." I said and I was left alone. They let me actually play with sand unlike Steve. After awhile I yawned and said "someone is gonna come looking for me in a bit, nobody is fix the wall."_

 _"Oh, we know we're counting on it." Dally smirked as Darry covered me in a towel. "Little tykes, 12 o'clock." He yelled._

 _I was pushed into a hole and had the towel put over me. Before I was covered Darry told me something. "Look kid, stay under here, they won't see you, we'll come back for you. We'll always come back for you." He winked and covered me up. I fell asleep to the sounds of battle around me. I still had a smile on my face._

* * *

 _"Okay kid your'e in for it!" Dally yelled as I shrank back in fear._

 _"Dal', go easy on her, she didn't mean." Two-Bit tried to reason._

 _"Steve gave me permission to kill the little twerp and I plan to do so." He sneered walking into the room I was hiding in. I squeaked in fear but he didn't hear me. He looked around but didn't find me. He searched the whole house but gave up. "She probably ran." He said and left. I tried to move from the the cabinet above the fridge but he moved something in front of it._ _I was stuck up there._

 _A little while later it started to rain, and then thunder. Did I mention I'm deathly afraid of lighting? I started screaming and crying. I was only nine at the time so I was pretty loud, but nobody was home. If they were they wouldn't of been able to hear me. Eventually I tired myself out and reduced to a whimper. I heard someone enter the kitchen and squeaked thinking it was Dally. The cabinet door opened to reveal an extremely confused Johnny. "Kandie wha-?" He started but I cut him off._

 _I threw my arms around him and knocked the wind out of him. "Johnny! Don't leave! Don't ever do that to me again!"_

 _"Okay, okay, okay, I don't know what I did but I won't do it again." He stammered. He tried to put me down so he could move off the counter top but I screamed. "Okay, okay, we'll stay here."_

 _That was how the gang found us the next morning, me half in the cupboard in Johnny's arms who was half on top of the fridge asleep. There's a picture._

* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat, in my bed. I saw the entire gang asleep on the floor next to me. Steve looked at me. "You're awake! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" He was all red in the face Now, the entire was up.

Darry put a hand on his shoulder, "Steve calm down, this is too much for her, Mags can tell us-"

"I WANT HER TO TELL ME!" Steve yelled making sure everyone was awake.

"You know why." I whispered.

"No Kandie I don't, you act like you always the center of attention, well you got it, so enlighten us." He said annoyed.

"A life for a life, an eye for an eye."

"A child for a child, yeah he always said that what does that have to do with anything?" He asked and then it clicked. "You mean he was actually gonna replace you?" He asked. I nodded with tears filling my eyes.

"He's done it before. June 15. I left and kidnapped and raped some innocent girl, I couldn't let him do it again." Tears were running down my cheeks. "So if I did what he wanted one more time and died with him, I know he wouldn't do it again." I was bawling. Steve wrapped his arms around me and whispered the one thing he said that I agreed with.

"He can't hurt you anymore."


	12. Chapter 12

I was laying in my bed with Pony next to me, dead to the world. I was thinking. 'I'm free from that rat bastard. He can't hurt me anymore. My father is dead. _Ding-dong the witch is dead Ding-dong the witch is dead Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead Wake up you sleepyhead Rub your eyes, get out of bed Wake up the wicked witch is dead He's gone where the goblins go, Below - Below - Below Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out. Ding Dong's the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!'_ Okay maybe I was a little to excited.

I saw my window slide open and a figure slip in. My heart started racing. Maybe he wasn't dead? Then two more figures slipped in and a lamp was turned on. I squinted then sighed when I saw Mags, Chloe, and Janie. I sighed in relief, "Jesus Christ Superstar! You guys scared the Hades outta me!"

"Well you scared the hell outta us, so it's a fair trade!" Chloe said.

Mags tackled me in a hug. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." She cried into my hair. She was anchored to me so Janie and Chloe joined in.

"Sorry I didn't have a choice." I manged to say as they squeezed the air out of me. They yelled curses at me waking Pony. He walked out of the room to give us privacy. "Guys I'm so sorry."

"Just shut up." Chloe said crying into my hair. After awhile they finally let me go. "Now that shes alive can we kill her?" I chuckled but lost my smile. "What?"

"I don't know." I answered truthfully.

My door slammed open to reveal a very pissed off Steve, "Girls, I said you COULD NOT see her."

"Shut up Steve, I need my girls." I said hugging them.

"You need your family."

"They are my family.

"I'm your family."

"No, we have the same parents, we are not family." I got up off the bed so I was in front of him.

"Kandie were SIBLINGS!"

"So were Curly and Tim but look what happened there!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"This again! I told you!"

"You made no sense, tell me what is wrong so I don't have to worry about you."

"Oh, cry me a river."

"What will make you better?"

"Nothing! I was never okay Steve! I will always have something wrong with me! I will never get better, I'll just end up back in there again!"

"What place?"

"The place where I tried to kill myself! The place where I was alone! The place where I was hollow!"

"When were there?"

"When you were gone."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" He bellowed.

"I tried! Every fucking time I tried you were too busy! I needed you Steve, key word needed."

"I could've helped you."

"Nobody can help me."

"You so self-absorbed!"

"Oh, I'm selfish?" I scoffed.

"Yeah."

"What about 'I wish you would die so I didn't have to care about you'?"

"Who said that?"

"I wish you would die so I didn't have to care about you."

* * *

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" I said clutching my stomach as I sat down at the table.

"Are you okay?" Soda asked sincerely.

"Does it seem like I'm okay?" I snapped.

"Time of the month?" Two-Bit asked. I don't know if was joking or not, so I wanted to smack him.

"I don't know, I'm not regular." I said. I kept fidgeting from the pain. "I'm gonna try a shower, the warm water might help." After a few minutes of struggling I finally got in the shower.

The warm water felt so good on my aching body. It felt so good just to unwind, I was in la-la land.

I was so far in my thoughts I pushed away the trickling down my leg as water. I realized it wasn't when I felt the worst cramp I had ever felt (and I have bad cramps). I looked down and realized it was blood. I scream but hardly any sound came out. I collapsed onto the shower floor praying someone would help me.

There was a knock on the door, "Kandie, can I come I have to pee."

"Help me." I whispered.

I heard the door open, "Kandie?" I groaned and the curtain flew open. "OH MY GOD KANDIE! HELP!" Pony screamed. He turned off the shower and wrapped me in towel. I blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

I woke up in a hospital bed, blinded by lights. I felt a hand clasped around mine and I squeezed. I saw my brother's eyes above me. "St-st-Steve?" I asked and he breathed in relief. I sat up slowly because the pain in my abdomen was ghastly. "What happened?"

"Well, I can tell you that." A man said. He was tall with an aging face, white hair and hazel eyes. "It seems like you threatened a miscarriage, but you pulled through."

"What does that mean?" Steve asked.

"Congratulations Miss Randle, you're a month pregnant."

* * *

"Alright guys, you have to be gentle and quiet she's still really weak."I heard Steve say.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't roughen up the broad, we get it." Dally mumbled.

"I'M NOT A BROAD!" I yelled out into the hallway.

"Well, she's awake." I heard Two-Bit chuckle. "Hey Century."

The door open and the guys scrambled in, trying to get close to me. "Hey guys." I waved a little. Steve stood the farthest from me and I frowned.

"Hey Kandie." Darry said as he stood next to me and rubbed my shoulder. "You feel any better." I looked up at him and shrugged.

"What happened?" Dally asked and Soda elbowed him.

"Can we not talk about it?" I asked with pleading eyes.

"Okay," Darry continued to rub my shoulder.

"No not okay!" Dally raised his voice. "You pass out in the shower from bleeding out and we're supposed to get no answers!" I started to cry. I don't cry ever, but when I do it means I'm dying inside. "Oh, shit, I didn't mean to make her cry." He ran his hands through his hair and left the room as a nurse walked in.

"Uh, you gotta lotta friends." She laughed nervously.

"Ma'm can't you see the resemblance they're my brothers." I announced proudly.

"Right, Mr. Randle the doctor wants to meet with you in the hall." She smiled and showed Steve where to go. She walked over to me. "Hi Kandie, my name is Charlotte. Pretty eyes. Now, I'm going to explain some of the meds the doctor is putting you on."

"Meds?"Soda asked as all the guy's eyes widened.

"Yes, they won't hurt her or, "she noted the look that said 'they don't know I want to tell them' and nodded, "are addictive. This one" she gave me a green bottle," is called Xeltax, you'll take this every 12 hours for the next two weeks, it'll make you really tired so just sleep," she looked at the guys "don't wake her up. Don't take it with this one," she gave me a another bottle "it's called Orceananis, you take this with breakfast it will steady your heart rate. The doctor already explained what you can and can't do, I checked, singing counts as exercise," she winked and I smiled. "We want to keep you for the night just to be safe and we can't give you the Xeltax because you're leaving in 12 hours." She frowned.

"That's okay, I want some time to think." I assured her.

"We also refilled your anti-depressants and your Concerta for you okay?" She asked sweetly and I nodded. "Visting hours are over in a half hour so I'll get outta your hair." She smiled and left.

"So how they treating ya?" Johnny asked.

"Okay, I've slept most of the time, but from what I know pretty good." I answered. "I'm probably not gonna sleep tonight. How's Mags?"

"Good, we wouldda brought her but her parents grounded her." Two-Bit answered. We talked for awhile, it felt good to laugh with the guys. Eventually the doctor had to threaten to call security so they could leave.

My wheels started to spin, I was pregnant. I had a human inside of me, growing. How was I gonna do this? I would have a helpless human being that would rely on me to take care of me when I can barely take care of myself. I have so many problems already. I mean I was carry a life inside of me. I mean the baby could be anything a JD, a murder, a gang leader, a rapist, anything! That also meant the baby could be a lawyer, president, the one who cures cancer. What if the baby got my mental disorders?

I was pulled from my thoughts when my nurse Charlotte came in. "I have a feeling your wheels are spinning so I brought this in," She held up a sketchbook. "Your 'brothers said you might like it." She put it down on the table in front of me with pencils. "Your one friend, he said draw the storm, he said you know what that would mean." She smiled and left me to my work. At first I didn't know what to draw, but soon I was filling pages.

* * *

I rode home with Steve, silently. He never said a word and just kept his eyes on the road. I wanted to say something but I couldn't find the words. We eventually made it home to the Curtis's and I went in first. I was worn out from the past few days and just wanted to be in my own bed. I started to my room while all the guys milled about. "Who?"

"I'm not telling you." I spun around.

"Oh, and why not?" He crossed his arms.

"Because I don't want you to kill him."

"Well, he deserves to die."

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes he does, I would be a terrible big brother not to pound him."

"You already are a terrible big brother!"

"Here we go again, how am I such a terrible big brother." He sighed.

"I got pregnant under your watch."

"Yeah I know Kandie I'm not an idiot, some creep knocked you up."

"He's not a creep! There aren't any creeps in the gang!" I clamped my hand over my mouth and ran into my room locking it. Pony was already sitting on my bed, crying.


	14. Chapter 14

"Pony", I whispered and walked toward him.

"You're, you're," he attempted to choke out and I nodded. "God," He moved his head back against the wall. He was leaning against the wall, sitting on the bed with his knees to his chest. I joined him. "I never meant to hurt you. Soda hides movies in random cases and I thought it was one of the ones he and Sandy watched. I was that desperate; I wanted it to be like a real date."

"I understand, I kinda figured you were trying to pick me up." I looked at him. "I'm sorry for flipping out on you."

"Yeah about that, what did you say?" He asked. "I think you were cursing in Italian."

I sighed in relief. "Oh, thank god, I said some pretty nasty stuff." I smiled and he laughed softly. I grabbed his hand and stared into his eyes. "We gotta work this out, for the baby. Okay?"

"Okay Hazel Grace."

* * *

"Morning." Soda said. I gave him a look and he froze. "Or not." All the guys except for Pony were in the kitchen. I moved past him and sat down at the table with my head in my hands. "You feel alright?"

"How would you feel if you had a human growing inside of you, you're swelling in places you didn't even know possible, your mood is all over the place oh and don't forget the fact that you get to throw up every fucking morning?"

"She's fine." Two-Bit says and I shoot him a look.

Pony walked out and we made eye contact. He rubbed his eyes and I scratched my arm telling him I was also following our plan. "Jesus Kandie, toss and turn much last night?"

"Oh cry me a river."

"Why am I still sharing a room with you because last time I checked that's my room in my house." He opened up the fridge.

"You're brother, who pays for that room mind you is letting me sleep there. He's real nice maybe you should take some notes." I leaned back in my chair.

He slammed the fridge door shut. "Fuck you!"

"Fuck who?"

"Fuck you!"

"No thanks," I smarted, "you're to young for my taste."

"You're eleven months older!"

"I learned a lot in those eleven months, I'm older therefore wiser," I replied coolly and walked off to my room. I heard Pony coming but Darry call him back. After a little while he came back in his face a little red. He quietly closed the door and turned toward me. We both busted out laughing. I wiped a tear away. "Aw, man that was too funny." He nodded and we both sat down on the bed. "What did Darry have to say?"

"He gave me the talk." Pony whispered and I laughed.

"Aw, man this day keeps getting better and better." I wiped more tears away and he gave me a look that would've been more threatening if he was blushing. "How'd it go?"

'He gave me this," Pony held something up and I snatched it away.

"He gave you a condom?!" I asked and he nodded. "Wow he's an idiot."

"Yeah," We heard the guys yell to us that they were leaving and it was just us. "So what are we?"

"We're Pony and Kandie."

"I know that," he rolled his eyes, "I mean are we nothing, a couple friends with benefits."

"Although I would love to be friends with benefits," I extended the o in love, "I think we should be a couple."

"How we gonna tell Steve?"

I thought for a moment. "We'll burn that bridge when we get there." I put my hand down and he put his over mine.

"So how 'bout we test out this condom?" He smirked.

* * *

I was dreaming. _"Steve lookie lookie!" I giggled as I ran up to him. He was playing with Soda at the lot. He groaned and turned to me. "Our art teacher let us paint a picture today!" I giggled with glee._

 _He grabbed it and threw it on the ground and ran back to Soda. "Stupid four year old." I picked it up and wiped off some dirt. I started walking away as I cried. I hard worked really hard today on that for him and he wouldn't even look at it._

 _I found myself at the Curtis's door step as Darry was walking out. 'Bye mom- whoa Kandie what's wrong?"_

 _I sniffled, 'I wanted to show Steve my painting I made just for him put he threw it on the ground." I cried some more. He picked me up and hugged me._

 _He put me down and looked at it. "Wow, Kandie you did this yourself?" I nodded and wiped my face. "It's better than anything I could do. Hey, I have an art kit in my room if you wanna make some more?"_

 _I beamed but remembered something, "don't you have somewhere to go?"_

 _"Nah, I was just heading out to play some football, but those guys can't help me with my art project."_

* * *

" _Hey Kandie." Ponyboy said as he sat next to me. I was coloring a picture for Darry. He would tell me what to draw, except for words he would write them and I would trace them. "Can I show you something?" I sighed and nodded._

 _I followed him outside to the front yard. "What?" I was kinda annoyed and just wanted to color._

 _"I'm sorry it was a dare." He blushed and looked down._

 _"What was a dare?"_

 _"This." He kissed me. I definitely not excepting that. Once he was done he ran for the hills. I chased after him, he ran the long way to the lot and I took the short cut. We would arrive about the same time give or take. I met him there and it did not end well._


	15. Chapter 15

**okay, some really hot stuff coming up.**

* * *

I woke up in a cold sweat and breathing heavy. I put the hand I wasn't leaning on on my chest as I tried to steady my breathing. "Kandie?" Pony asked sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Are you okay?" I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him. He tried to shush me as we laid down. We fell asleep like that.

I woke up alone. After a few minutes of contemplating I decided that I should get up and face the music. I was very cold in my long button up shirt so I wrapped myself in my blanket. I found myself in the kitchen with Pony who was making breakfast, he was fully dressed. "Hey baby." God I loved it when he called me that. "Sorry I left, Darry made me run t the store. It's really cold in here." He rubbed his arms. Me, being the awesome girlfriend I am stood behind him and wrapped the blanket around the front of him, but it was also around me. He chuckled, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Helping," I muttered into his back causing him to breathe a laugh. "What are you making me?"

"This is for Two-Bitt his mama's sick." He turned a little bit back at me. "You have such pretty eyes."

"All the better to see you with my dear." I smirked. 'So, how are we gonna tell people."

He paused, "um, I have no problem telling Soda, who'll tell Darry, but your brother..." He trailed off.

"Alright, since neither of us wants to tell him, I'll make a deal with you, the first person to kiss the other has to do it."

"Deal, but can we start after our next kiss?" His eyes pleaded with me so I caved. He finished cooking so I backed up. I was busy messing with my shirt to notice until he pushed me back against the wall.

I looked up into his greenish gray eyes confused. He had his legs around mine, his fore arms by my arms, and his head pushed against mine. "P-p-?" I started but his lips cut me off. He pushed a lot into this kiss. I dropped the blanket and wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands were at my waist until one rested on my thigh. He nipped at my lip as I wrapped my leg around him. When I let his tongue in he bent forward for me to jump up, which I did. Our tongues battled as I ran my hands through his hair. I moved one hand down and up his shirt causing him to moan. He backed up and started walking toward the bedroom.

He sat me down on our bed never breaking the kiss. I went on the bottom as he pulled his shirt off. I crept my hand down his pants as his hand went up my long shirt. He began to massage me, slightly inside as I unbuckled his pants. He slipped them off as he pulled my underwear down. I flipped him over and sat up. He looked confused as slightly lifted my shirt up and moved from stuff around. I finally pulled my bra out and his eyes glazed over. He began to unbutton my shirt, kissing where each button laid. He jumped up to my lips and we rolled around. His lips moved to my breasts and I touched him. I don't know who moaned louder. Just as it got good we heard a voice.

"You gotta _hella_ lotta explaining to do." Pony pushed he sheet over us as we turned around to see our brothers and the gang behind him. What was said next I don't know how my he's still alive.

"Well," Pony spoke up and I whipped to him, "at least we don't have to worry about telling your brother."


	16. Chapter 16

is anyone still reading, if so please tell me.


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay guys really short chapter but the next one will be long I promise.**

* * *

I sat next to Pony at the kitchen table. I wore the button up and he was in jeans and a t-shirt.

"So how much trouble do you think we're in?" He was looking down arms at his sides while I had my arms and legs crossed.

"Um, not to bad I mean we didn't actually have sex." I rolled my eyes.

"It is kinda obvious that I got you pregnant."

"Ssh, they don't know that."

"Why are you being so cynical?" He looked at me.

"Why are you being so oblivious?" I looked at him.

"Oh, yeah I'm the oblivious one," his voice held so much sarcasm it put me to shame.

"Would you two shut up!" Steve yelled at us.

"Hey," I put a finger up, "only I can yell at him."

"How many times?" Darry asked.

"Two times this wouldda been three."

"When?"

Pony spoke up, "when you left us home alone that night and the day you gave me the condom."

"You gave your little brother a condom!" Steve and Dally yelled. Steve in shock and Dally in surprise.

"I want it back."

"But we don't need it."

"Give up."

I blurted 'we threw it out the window' while he said 'we used it'. We kept repeating this until I yelled "WE THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW!"

"After we used it."

"Dude!"


	18. Chapter 18

**Okay guys it's time to wrap this story up. There are gonna be plenty more chapter but I need to wind down. This one is gonna cover a lot of ground so enjoy...**

* * *

 _Month 2_

"I'm riding with Jamie I don't trust Two-Bit and his deathtrap of a car." Pony shrugged as my friend Matt put his arm around me.

"What the hell man!" Pony yelled and Matt backed off. I slapped the back of his head, "what was that for, he was flirting with my girl."

"One, aw, two, the thing about Matt and I is we're both into girls." At that moment he kissed his boyfriend.

* * *

 _Month 3_

"I'm gonna be fat!" I was looking in the mirror Pony put his arms around me, "well fatter then normal."

"You're to beautiful." I gave him a look.

"We're not sleeping together."

* * *

 _Month 3_

"Hey guys I'm-" Soda started.

"Duck!" Pony bellowed as a lamp went flying.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!" I yelled.

"Steve control your sister."

"Uh,uh she's your problem."

"SOMEBODY LOVE ME!"

* * *

 _Month 5_

"Chips and chocolate!"

* * *

 _Month 6_

"I'm fat."

* * *

 _Month 7_

I was sobbing, "I liked that lamp!"

* * *

 _Month 8_

"I'm a whale!"


	19. Chapter 19

Do you guy want me to continue? Is my story any good?


	20. Chapter 20

I sat alone with Pony. I coming close to the end of my pregnancy and I was beyond ready to give birth.

"Pony!" I yelled even though he was right next to me, "baby time!"

"What now?"

"No tomorrow at 4 of course now!" I bellowed. "Call 911!" He did; they arrived along with the gang.

Steve was freaking as the paramedics checked me over. "She's dilated 6 we can't move her."

I froze knowing what this meant. Steve asked, "can she get the medicine?"

"No." Both the paramedic and I answered. His face paled.

"She's at 8 now, almost time." the other one said.

Oh god the pain, it hurt so bad. Every fiber in my body ached and this wasn't even the main event! I thought labor took hours. Pony grabbed my hand and I squeezed so hard he almost dropped to his knees.

"Girl stronger than you?" Dally teased as Steve grabbed my hand. He yelped as I squeezed him.

"You do it." Pony let go and Dally grabbed my hand and I squeezed as hard as I could.

"Jesus Christ!"

"I wanna try!" Two-Bitt walked toward me.

"WHAT THE FUCK GUYS I'M IN LABOR YOU SHIT HEADS!" I bellowed.

The guy told me to push and I did. I kept pushing until he held my baby. "Why isn't she crying?

"I'm sorry Ms. but you had a still-born


End file.
